DATE: 16/05/26
hi vi!!!! warning in advance this is going to be so incoherent and probably very repetitive because i am infact writing this at 2am..... also because i love you too much it makes it hard to form thoughts and it actually makes me feel sick sometimes because im so happy. also CRAZY TO THINK WE'VE BEEN TOGETHER 6 MONTHS???

i dont think you understand how important you are to me, you are genuinely one of the only people who has ever made me feel safe in a real way. not in the way i gaslight myself to think someones safe or anything... i mean actual genuine safety. you make me feel understood and cared for and wanted even when im difficult or paranoid or emotional or just being fucking strange. you dont treat me like im too much or make me feel annoying for needing reassurance. you make me feel like i am actually worthy of something in my life and im deserving of patience and happiness.

i think about you literally all the time, talk about you all the time. every song becomes about you if its even slightly lovey (which is hard. emos do not write many songs about love), every little thing reminds me of you. i see stuff during the day and immediately go "oh my god i need to show my girlfriend this" (and i do) because youre the first person i want to share everything with. i tell everyone about you all the time, everyone i meet knows about you.

i know i can be a lot. i know im mentally ill and genuinely insufferable some days, and my brain is ill and paranoid and complicated and all over the place, but youve never once made me feel unlovable for it. youve never treated me like im too much or difficult to care about like everyone else did, and eventually give up on me. instead youve stayed (staid? how do u spell that word...) patient and gentle with me through all of it. even when im at my worst, and i genuinely dont think you understand how much that means to me. if anything youve made me feel more accepted than i ever have before with ANYONE. you make me feel like i dont have to hide parts of myself around you or minimise myself to be easier to love. thats such a huge thing for me because ive spent so much of my life hiding who i am or trying to minimise who i am for people. thank you for accepting me as i am, even the unstable and awkward and deeply strange parts of me. thank you for loving every version of me instead of making me feel ashamed for them. i dont think ive ever felt this safe or understood or accepted by anyone before.

i love you in every way possible. i love you more then ive ever loved anything or anyone. i love being yours. i love loving you. i love existing with you. i just love YOU, all of you. no matter what happens i need you to remember that you are deeply loved by me. like genuinely... horrifyingly loved actually. youre stuck with me forever sorry i dont make the rules ;p even when i eventually die of whatever billion things my body throws at me ill haunt you forever or give you signs and shit :3

DATE: 18/08/26
Nine months. I genuinely do not know how that happened so quickly. Somehow, nine months ago, you became part of my everyday life and now I cannot imagine what my life would look like without you somewhere in it. This is my longest relationship, and I think that alone says something about how different what we have is to me. I have never wanted to stay somewhere this badly. I have never looked at someone and thought yes I want this person in my life for a very very long time. And now we are actually going to me in person in September?? That still feels completely unreal to me. For nine months, you have been someone I have known through a screen, through messages and calls and all the little pieces of our lives that we have shared with each other. Soon, you are going to be standing in front of me. He is going to be a real person I can actually see beside me instead of a name on my phone, and somehow that thought makes me both incredibly excited and completely unable to process reality.
I keep thinking about how strange it is that two people can exist so far apart and still become such a huge part of each others lives. Somehow, out of everyone in the world, I found you. We found each other. Honestly, if someone had told me this is where my life would end up, I probably would have laughed at them. Yet somehow it makes perfect sense. I would not trade that for anything.

I love all the ordinary things about having you in my life, too. I love being able to tell you something random that happened during my day. I love having someone I automatically want to send things to. I love knowing that there is a person somewhere who knows my weird little habits, my stupid jokes, my interests, my moods, and all the completely nonsensical thoughts that wander through my head. I love that she gets to see so many different sides of me. Somehow, even the most normal parts of my life feel more meaningful when I get to share them with you. You have become such a constant in my life. Not in a boring or predictable way, but in the comforting way where I know there is someone I can come back to. Someone whose existence has become woven into my own. You have given me so many memories already. That is probably one of the strangest and nicest things to think about, nine months of history together, and we are still only at the beginning of the part of our relationship where we can actually be in the same place.

I hope you know how much I admire you, too. Not just as my girlfriend, but as a person. I love hearing you talk about things you care about. I love who she is when she is happy, when he is excited, when she is being ridiculous, when she is being serious, and even when he is having a terrible day. I do not need you to be some perfect version of yourself for me to love you. I want you, exactly as you are.

Nine months is a long time to choose someone and I have chosen you every single day. I would choose you again. I would choose you when things are easy, when things are confusing, when we are laughing at something stupid. I want to keep collecting those little moments with you. More conversations. More memories. More ridiculous jokes. More stories that start with do you remember when? More days where I get to look at you and think that's my girlfriend.
And soon, I finally get to meet you!!
I cannot wait for Brisbane. I cannot wait for September. I cannot wait for the moment that this person I have spent nine months loving is finally standing right there in front of me. I have imagined it so many times that I am probably going to struggle to believe it when it actually happens.

Thank you for choosing me, too. I love you. More than I know how to put into anything, apparently, because I could keep writing this for and still find something else I wanted to tell you. I suck with words, we know this. Atleast this is more put together. I love you, always.