/bonkichi. hi and welcome to my big yap byi where I share far too much unnecessary info about myself.

General:
first and foremost; I'm profiction/antiharassment. boundary breakers? don't care. lolisho, incest? weird, don't wanna be around you, but I don't care. I personally interact with some 'problematic' or controversial media/dynamics. I have opinions despite my stance. you're entitled to your own opinion. "fictional csam/csem" doesn't exist, please do research. ⠀⠀⠀⠀
I am dyslexic/show traits and display a disorganized way of texting and speech due to slow processing of thoughts. (including being unable to properly translate words from different languages, inability to speak properly/speaking slowly, bad articulating, a lot of misspelling, incorrect punctuation and a constant switch between using abbreviations and not using them. I've also been working on my tendency to not think about my words before speaking on things.) ⠀⠀⠀⠀
I severely struggle with nearsightedness and often cannot properly make out things that are a couple centimeters away (yes I'm supposed to and used to wear glasses. yes my parents don't care to get me new ones), as well as being a little sensitive to brightness, and prone to headaches. on top of this, I have situational mutism that hinders my daily life. I'm semi-verbal. I like talking but I also hate it in practice. if you wanna get me to talk, ask me about unstable, I really enjoy talking about my interests above all else. ⠀⠀⠀⠀
please for the love of god communicate with me. I can't know if I've done something if I'm not told. confused? ask. said or did something that hit wrong? ASK. we can't fix it if you don't tell me. it is your own responsibility to maturely talk to me. my brain works in crazy ass ways and will not work like yours. I make crazy connections yet cannot pick up your hints, so you need to speak up. even if only my tone set something off in you, tell me. I know my tone comes off weird a lot, I'm aware I cannot do shit about it and if you cared you'd ask about it. no communication = no fixing, it'll just lead to a fallout. ⠀⠀⠀
Don't expect this, or any information I've written ANYWHERE, to remain up-to-date; I am constantly changing, and consistently updating information about me makes me weary, I don't care enough to keep it up. ⠀⠀
Behavior:
I can often come off as brash and/or blunt without inherently meaning to, I'm very socially inept due go years of isolation, neurodivergency, and being a highschool dropout—thus, I miss social cues. I don't get "hints" or subtle implications, be direct or I'll be clueless forever — I'm not trying to act stupid. I can't make connections between what you are saying and what you want. that said, I don't need tonetags nor will I use them for others, they are not a reliable tool and often exploited. if really unsure, you can ask about my intended tone. I'm extremely awkward, I often don't know how to hold or make conversations with new people, which can make me come off uninterested, I'm really not, I do like talking to people, but I'm generally not a very big conversationalist. ⠀⠀⠀
(I basically speak "strangely" and derail conversations—using what people are saying and turning into a slightly similar but still different, or completely off, conversation because my brain makes a connection where nobody else does, I can literally connect every talk to my interests somehow and often will do that. additionally to this, I'm very sarcastic, especially in real life. if I'm talking about something/someone I've expressed previous dislike for, please immediately assume everything I say has a sarcastic undertone.) ⠀⠀⠀
I have like no empathy at all save for 2 maybe 3 people (namedly seal, drea, and krill), my dogs and a few specific things. albeit, this fluctuates a fuck ton. I struggle with things like em/sympathy due to my upbringing, and there's times I don't care about world-wide issues but pretend to, but I can also do a complete 180 and switch up in mere seconds. I'm saying this so you people know I don't particularly care, but I do try—I do try to feel with people and attempt to understand why they feel the way they do. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
When reaching out:
maintaining social connections is hard for me due to lack of energy, dissociation, and anhedonia/social fatigue, accompanied by paranoia which causes extreme social anxiety and a lack of interest in making friends despite how extroverted I may act/seem. I'm not opposed to making friends, but I rarely reach out first. I'm prone to ghosting for a couple days if i don't want to talk to you or lack the energy #Sorry. I have extremely low energy and struggle to even consistently text my close friends, please don't expect to become some exception. my closest friends aren't, and you won't be either. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
I'm paranoid as fuck. I think all of you are feds or out to get me in one way or another. so if you wanna be my friend, then be my guest. as long as you're aware my paranoia causes a disconnect and I never truly trust people or tell anyone much about myself which seems REALLY ironic given how much I'm talking here, but I just don't talk about experiences and there is much more to me than what I am writing here that I refuse to put out to/tell anyone. you'll find I'm delusional and my paranoia often causes me to assume people meant more harm to me than intended.