— to my girlfriend ♡
hi vi!!!! warning in advance this is going to be so incoherent and probably very repetitive because i am infact writing this at 2am..... also because i love you too much it makes it hard to form thoughts and it actually makes me feel sick sometimes because im so happy. also CRAZY TO THINK WE'VE BEEN TOGETHER 6 MONTHS???
i dont think you understand how important you are to me, you are genuinely one of the only people who has ever made me feel safe in a real way. not in the way i gaslight myself to think someones safe or anything... i mean actual genuine safety. you make me feel understood and cared for and wanted even when im difficult or paranoid or emotional or just being fucking strange. you dont treat me like im too much or make me feel annoying for needing reassurance. you make me feel like i am actually worthy of something in my life and im deserving of patience and happiness.
i think about you literally all the time, talk about you all the time. every song becomes about you if its even slightly lovey (which is hard. emos do not write many songs about love), every little thing reminds me of you. i see stuff during the day and immediately go "oh my god i need to show my girlfriend this" (and i do) because youre the first person i want to share everything with. i tell everyone about you all the time, everyone i meet knows about you.
i know i can be a lot. i know im mentally ill and genuinely insufferable some days, and my brain is ill and paranoid and complicated and all over the place, but youve never once made me feel unlovable for it. youve never treated me like im too much or difficult to care about like everyone else did, and eventually give up on me. instead youve stayed (staid? how do u spell that word...) patient and gentle with me through all of it. even when im at my worst, and i genuinely dont think you understand how much that means to me. if anything youve made me feel more accepted than i ever have before with ANYONE. you make me feel like i dont have to hide parts of myself around you or minimise myself to be easier to love. thats such a huge thing for me because ive spent so much of my life hiding who i am or trying to minimise who i am for people. thank you for accepting me as i am, even the unstable and awkward and deeply strange parts of me. thank you for loving every version of me instead of making me feel ashamed for them. i dont think ive ever felt this safe or understood or accepted by anyone before.
i love you in every way possible. i love you more then ive ever loved anything or anyone. i love being yours. i love loving you. i love existing with you. i just love YOU, all of you. no matter what happens i need you to remember that you are deeply loved by me. like genuinely... horrifyingly loved actually. youre stuck with me forever sorry i dont make the rules ;p even when i eventually die of whatever billion things my body throws at me ill haunt you forever or give you signs and shit :3
— to...
nobody else because i legit have no friends. rip.