/STUPIDITIES ⠀⠀𓏼 ◜ ͡ ◟‿⑅ ✿⠀⠀ THIS IS YOUR FOURTH LETTER BY THE WAY. Anyway I ran out of things to write for you I've poured out my heart on pretty much the past three letters. Anyway, thank you for tolerating me. I'll use this letter to open up to you because I've been feeling a little suppressed, and I think you should also have a piece of what goes in my mind.

Like I said one time, I'm a really, REALLY shameful person at heart. Shame is literally my flesh and bones don't play with me lad. I'm always ashamed of what I do and I'm always finding things about myself I want to apologize for but never found the words for it. It's something I can carry for a while, but then again the shame starts piling up until I explode one day and start spiraling. I want to find my voice eventually to be more open, and hopefully you'll aid me in that.

It may not seem like it, but I also am very confused whether or not I'm worthy of love and receiving love. I can look egotistical and smug when I receive validation or love, but really, inside my mind or after a few minutes I start to question if I really deserved that. I've formed a fight or flight reaction to love and I can't seem to remember why, but it's just instinct. It's either I'll be really smug and saying “Yeah, it should be like that” to shutting down and trying to process if the other person really meant it or is just saying it for the sake of saying it.

This is just kinda the tip of the iceberg, but I wanted to let you in on my internal gymnastics. I'm sorry for being complicated, and I don't want it to be something for you to keep on tolerating and I want to heal but I don't know how. I'm content with myself and at the same time not. Either way, thank you for sticking with me ♡♡

𓏼 ◜ ͡ ◟‿⑅ ✿⠀⠀ Jasmine ⠀✧⠀ 2026年08月16日